I am so guilty of this habit we, as mothers, have created when it comes to casual conversation.
“Hi! How are you?”
“Gosh, SO busy. How are you?”
“OMG SO busy too. I can’t keep up!”
“I know, right?”
The conversation takes a screeching halt. At times you may even find yourself STILL going back and forth about how busy you both are. Then you start listing all the things you are busy with- which 9 times out of 10 have NOTHING to do with you and all about your children. This is one of the dozens of reasons we have this identity questioning as a new or even seasoned mother. When we take the focus off of our true selves, it’s impossible to cultivate and grow the person we are or the person we are challenged to be. In turn, allowing the layers to be lost, being a bit vulnerable or God forbid even proud of something WE are doing as an individual can create a pretty interesting individual beyond the word “Mom”.
When I’m with my friends who work full time, there is PLENTY to talk about when it comes to their careers and what they are doing. They are proud, even when they are bitching about their jobs (who doesn’t at times), and we could carry on in other conversations based on the career talk. But for the mom that doesn’t go to an office everyday, or even a home office, why do they feel they can’t contribute to the conversation? I totally get it as there are times I sit back with my friends who work full time and simply enjoy listening to their stories. I don’t always have something to contribute. That’s OK, I still love listening and hearing the amazing things they are doing. I can always learn something from listening- even if it’s simply appreciating that I don’t have to go to an office every M-F!
At times I wonder if a woman feels she’s either a SAHM or a working mom, and only those 2 categories. So a woman finds herself either talking about her kids the whole time or work with a touch of kid convo splashed in. They don’t want to appear they are bragging if something is going well or interesting for them so they either hide that topic or they actually aren’t doing anything to create a section for themselves. We are so giving as women, we are nurturing, caring, and as you know it, we think about everyone else first. It’s in our nature and I definitely honor that part of my personality. I’ve also had to really force myself to get out of that shell and comfort, the role that I’m told I should have. Learning how to not feel selfish or that I’m neglecting someone, even if it’s for a couple hours that week, has been a lot of work. Reading books, listening to podcasts, watching inspirational people, and connecting with other moms has been my university to realizing I need creativity in my life. I wanted to talk about something other than what our children are doing or how BUSY we all were.
I didn’t want to hide behind the word “BUSY” either. Busy wasn’t going to be my excuse for not bringing something inspirational into my life. Busy wasn’t going to be the shield to learning more, growing as a person, and therefore becoming the mother I wanted to be. The woman I wanted to be. I also don’t want Brooklyn to see my role as her chauffeur or secretary scheduling her life. She needs to see that Mama also has things going on, pretty amazing things, and that I talk to her about them and share the joy. I love writing and although it hardly makes me a millionaire, Brooklyn sees my books and talking to children about wellness where I hope she is inspired to have a piece of her own creativity and joy. I hope to have wonderful conversations with HER as well as she gets older and activities get thrown in her brain. The last thing she needs is to be SO BUSY, over-scheduled, and overwhelmed. To feel robotic as she’s in and out of a car. Brooklyn isn’t good with too much on her plate, and I’ve seen that for years. So I’m honoring that. Just as I’m honoring what I need on my plate to make me happy, confident, and full of pride.
We are put on this earth to enjoy more than our careers or role as a mother. There is so much more out there. It doesn’t have to be complicated, a side-hustle, time-consuming, or make you millions of dollars. Your piece of you is beyond the word BUSY. Your piece is your passion and is a huge part of your life. It can be rewarding beyond a paycheck or annual review. This is your time to investigate, explore, discover, and ignite a fire inside you that will burn as long as you want it to. Sure, talk about your kids or things they are doing. Because your friends and family do want to know. But don’t make that the ONLY thing you talk about or hide behind the word “BUSY” because you don’t know what else to say. You have so much to say and so much to give. Go find it.